3.07.2012

Things Change

We dropped Maddox off at daycare for the first time this morning. It sucked. Not quite as much as I thought it would suck, but it definitely sucked. S went to work late today so we could go together, which helped quite a bit. Thanks, S.

As we strapped Maddox into his car seat (after he fell asleep in my arms while S walked Feeney), we had what I imagine is the same conversation most parents have when they drop their baby off at daycare for the first time. Where I said things like: "This is stupid." "Why are we doing this?" "Do we really need to do this?" And S said things like, "yes it's stupid." "A long time ago you said you couldn't be a stay at home mom, that you want to continue your career." And "give it a try, maybe we don't, we can look at the finances."

Yes I have student loan debt up the wazoo and yes I like my job, have coworkers who feel like family, and I love my work arrangement. But like everything else in life things change and it makes you question your priorities. A couple years ago I went from being on the fence as to whether I wanted a child at all to desperately wanting a baby and not being able to stay pregnant. Now I just want to watch a video monitor and wait til my baby wakes up so I can snuggle him and breastfeed him. Five years ago this week my mom started cancer treatments and she went from my mom who I loved very much and talked to on the phone daily, to my mom for whom I had every single finger and toe crossed for months, and who I now can't stand to be away from. Things change.

So my baby who has had all his meals and snacks at his momma's breast will be sitting on a stranger's lap today when he drinks my milk. When he wakes up 45 minutes into his morning nap a stranger will decide whether to let him talk to the ceiling in a strange room until he falls back to sleep or to pick him up and endure the sleepy cries twenty minutes later. He's going to smell like someone else's house when I pick him up.

But this time last year when the magnolia tree across the street was in bloom, things changed too. Our baby bee stayed put and kept growing. And even though I can still remember life before baby M, (I'm working my way down to those jeans, but they still sit there on the shelf in my closet mocking me) we love the change he brought to our lives.

Here's baby M hanging out while I got dressed this morning:
This kid loves ceiling fans

I think we'll be able to handle this change. We've made it through all the changes before.

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11 comments:

  1. i was just listening to "winter" by tori amos on monday and your title made me think of it.... "you say that things change, my dear..... never change".
    anyhow, yes, you will do fine and so will maddox. it will be tough, but change is never easy... you can do it! :)

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  2. Aww. Hopefully it doesn't take long for those strangers to become friends. I'm sure they will make him feel right at home!

    Though the infant room at the center I work at has 7 babies... 6 girls and 1 boy. Hopefully M isn't the only boy at his daycare!

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  3. There are some people posted useful thought and some are not, but this, it is among the best post I’ve read. Simple but thoughtful.

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  4. He'll be big before you know it! Cherish this special time. You will make it through the best you can, even if it means change.

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  5. Let yourself see how it goes. Like you said, things change and they can change again.

    I went back to work at an office for a year and then decided I wanted to stay home and consult.

    You will find your way and what is best for you!

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  6. Hope everything went well with his first day.

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  7. I cried every day for the first 2 weeks being back at work. I finally got back into a great groove, but it took time. Both my boys LOVED their daycare ladies in the infant room, but they always knew who their mommy was and would be so excited to see me. I know you will find the same groove too. Chin up and don't give up so easily. Just like the breast-feeding, it was really hard the first two weeks (lots of crying and wanting to give up) but then it just worked! Set a target of 3m and 6m to re-evaluate everything before you make any decisions.
    Big hug,
    N

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  8. Anonymous3/09/2012

    Hang in there. I felt guilty because I didn't feel guilty. My kids had wonderful caretakers and adored them. More people to love them!

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  9. You did wonderfully this week, Mum-Bee! I'm so proud of you, and I know M will love his new set of peeps.:)

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  10. i can't even imagine having to drop off my babies at a daycare when they were that little. in canada we get a year of paid maternity leave and i cherished every minute of that time. good for you for being so strong and best of luck in making a decision that works for you and your lovely family.

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  11. Anonymous just said what I was going to say: by sending your child to daycare you're introducing them to more people who will love and care for them. If you don't feel like this is the case then perhaps you need a better daycare provider. You will always be Mama and that daycare person will remember your baby forever. My daughters went to daycare part time when they were babies and I wasn't able to be a WAHM until they were in school. They have incredibly tight bonds with the kids that were at their daycare and preschool. Those kids will always look out for each other in our small town. You're not taking away from Baby - you're giving something different and also good to him.

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